The Onion: Black Man Given Nation’s Worst Job

WASHINGTON—African-American man Barack Obama, 47, was given the least-desirable job in the entire country Tuesday when he was elected president of the United States of America. In his new high-stress, low-reward position, Obama will be charged with such tasks as completely overhauling the nation’s broken-down economy, repairing the crumbling infrastructure, and generally having to please more than 300 million Americans and cater to their every whim on a daily basis. As part of his duties, the black man will have to spend four to eight years cleaning up the messes other people left behind. The job comes with such intense scrutiny and so certain a guarantee of failure that only one other person even bothered applying for it. Said scholar and activist Mark L. Denton, “It just goes to show you that, in this country, a black man still can’t catch a break.”

That satirical news item from The Onion now seems eerily close to reality given the new unemployment numbers released today. Turns out the economy is now even worse than anyone anticipated or ever imagined. In his first press conference ‘President Elect Obama’ (see fancy podium sign) addressed the dire economy. I’m not worried. The great Obama has promised to wave his magic hopey-changey wand over the nation and make it all better by paying off mortgages and filling cars with gas. Thank you great Obama-messiah!